My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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