my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
