I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
