I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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