I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
