I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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