She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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