I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
