i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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