While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
