Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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