I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
