And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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