I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
