He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
