good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
