just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i believe in u and ur pee
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
