ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
