Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
