Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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