so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
