Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
