she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk is not a location!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
