Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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