Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
