shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
