Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
