it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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