He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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