You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
