sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
