Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
