I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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