highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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