Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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