It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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