Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
