Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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