I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
