so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
