I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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