I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
