I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
