absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
