Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
