She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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