my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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