i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
