Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
