is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
