It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
